I wrote a new post about Ann Curry’s on-air experience with corporate censorship earlier today, and it reminded me of something funny that I experienced nearly a decade ago while I was in high school.
As mentioned in an earlier post, I attended a small public high school in a rural portion of the midwest. Socially conservative, historically Republican and less diverse than Utah, it was a rough go for those of us capable of free thought. Being called ‘gay’ was the worst possible insult for the males, though it never seemed to be used accurately. Instead, it was what I call ‘Midwest Gay.’ It’s not ‘real’ gay, mind you. The target’s sexual inclinations were presumed hetero as homosexuals were either non-existent or totally invisible. The sight of a gay person would have probably caused the agitator’s head to explode, raining down hate, ignorance and bigotry in a bloody mess of intellectual inferiority all over the gymnasium. I became Midwest Gay pretty early into my freshman year despite having been threatened with suspension for making out with a cheerleader on school property. It being a small school, news traveled exceptionally fast and there was no such thing as a secret, so I’m sure everyone heard about it within seconds. Just how did I manage to acquire the label then, you ask?
- I taped a brief and edited version of Joseph Lewis’ An Atheist Manifesto to the outside of my locker. I wasn’t necessarily an atheist, I just didn’t like having Christian doctrine rammed down my throat every other day and I knew that such an action would at least open up a dialogue. Unfortunately, the dialogue consisted of a few dozen juveniles calling me gay (and all of its colorful derivatives) and frequently informing me of my inevitable descent into the fiery depths of hell where I’d be spending all of eternity for hating baby Jesus. On the upside, I hate cold weather and I’m guessing that there aren’t too many snowy days near The Lake.
- There was a display case in the hallway outside of the library that was used to call attention to different literary periods throughout history. During the time in which the focus was on the Renaissance, a miniature version of Michelangelo’s David was prominently displayed in the case but with a tiny piece of paper taped conveniently over his genitals. I explained to the librarian just how ridiculous it was that she felt that one of the most famous sculptures in the world needed to be censored in an attempt to protect the sensitivities of a bunch of high school students, but to no avail. The statue had a penis and a penis is indecent. Period. I then got to spend the next few weeks overhearing people in the hallways saying things like “That’s the gay pervert that wants to see guys’ dicks.”
- While sitting in an English class one day I was handed a piece of paper composed by the same librarian of Art Censorship Infamy suggesting books that all of us planning to go to college should read, conveniently separated into ‘fiction’ and ‘non-fiction’ sections. Of course, the first book listed in the ‘non-fiction’ section was *drumroll* the Christian Bible. I asked my English teacher why it was listed there when it clearly didn’t belong. She responded by saying “Of course it does!” I argued and was then told to either shut up or leave the classroom and report to the principal’s office for being disruptive. I gladly left, taking the paper with me and coincidentally arrived at the office at exactly the same time as the librarian, so I asked her about the list. I was then accused of starting trouble and stirring things up for no reason. I assured her that that was certainly not the case, just that I felt that the book was wrongly categorized. I even went so far as to offer a compromise: put a third section on the list titled ‘Religious Texts’ and include the Bible, the Tanakh, the Talmud, the Koran, the Book of Mormon and so on. I wasn’t against them recommending a religious text, I was just pissed that a public high school was clearly endorsing a specific religion and presenting it as truth. Much to my dismay, though I had predicted this outcome, the list wasn’t altered and I became Midwest Gay-er.
- I was once asked by one of my male classmates point-blank in the cafeteria while eating lunch if I was gay. I responded by asking “Why? Looking for a date to prom?” In hindsight, that probably didn’t help quell any rumors.
- During my junior year a former professional athlete of some sort (Football? Wrestling? I can’t remember. He was big, though.) came to our school and an assembly was held. The first thirty minutes or so of his speech were really interesting as the man spoke of the wealth he had amassed and how he wasted most of it on drugs and women. Then he found Christ and his life changed dramatically. If we wanted to find similar happiness then he suggested we do the same and become born-again Christians just like he did. It was at this point that I stood up, walked down the bleachers and across the floor directly in front of him as he continued to preach. I was stopped by the principal, threatened with suspension (noticing any common themes?) for disrupting an assembly, then forced to stand in the hallway until the end of his speech, still within earshot. They maintain that I was told that I didn’t have to attend, though they couldn’t find anyone who could confirm that anyone had actually told me this. I had ceased to be Midwest Gay by this point, though, because I had become good friends with one of the captains of the football team and remain so to this day, having even been the Best Man in his wedding some years ago.
I suppose the lesson here is that all it takes to legitimize a person, product or idea is one celebrity endorsement, which is why we should all be scared shitless of Scientology.
Posted by Kyle 