It’s quite simple, really.
+I hate math and am generally pretty bad at it (two tries each to pass MAT117 – College Mathematics and MAT210 – Brief Calculus)
+I didn’t know much about the major or what jobs it would theoretically prepare me for post-graduation when I selected it.
+I have no interest in sitting around anywhere all day staring at a computer screen unless there is porn involved.
+The dream jobs this degree generally leads to (CFO, CEO, Investment Banker, Fund Manager, etc.) are exceptionally-lofty expectations for someone not holding an Ivy League diploma. Not impossible, just lofty, and ASU is certainly not in that realm.
After all that, who in their right mind would select finance as their major? I would and here’s why: I had a career counselor tell me that she didn’t think that I would even be able to make it through the program, let alone build a successful career.
Although not generally so, I most certainly have the capacity to be a spiteful and vengeful person. For example, in junior high, I played football for all of two weeks. I never even made it to a game as I quit long before that because I fucking hate exercising which was all we did. It wasn’t even remotely fun but it was exceptionally painful which are exact opposites of what I’m looking for in recreational activities (beer, anyone?). Anyway, there was a kid on the team who loved making fun of how pale I was and it infuriated me to no end. Unwilling to risk the suspension that would likely follow my attempt at putting a beat down on him, I patiently waited for an opportunity to get back at him for humiliating me.
Five years later, that opportunity presented itself in the way that most of the great things in life often do: attached to large breasts. This kid had himself a girlfriend and she wasn’t all that bright, a trait that is usually a huge turnoff for me but was exactly what I wanted to have in this situation. I befriended her over the course of several months and, during a semi-drunken night at a mutual friend’s house, we engaged in an ultimately fun but thoroughly awkward sexual encounter – although I suppose pretty much all sexual experiences between teens are that way – as ‘Cast Away’ starring Tom Hanks played loudly in the background. As if that weren’t enough, she ended up being the one to tell the boyfriend about it, probably due to guilt or some other emotion that I no longer experience due to the abyss where my soul was once located.
What does that have to do with finance? Nothing, really, I just like telling that story. Piss me off and I’ll fuck your girlfriend, or at least give it my best shot. What’s the going rate for a fistful of roofies these days?
So here’s the reason: I chose to major in finance because some bitch who fit the entirety of her knowledge of me onto a single-paged high school transcript told me that I wasn’t smart enough to make it through the program and, frankly, that was the best reason I’ve had yet to choose any major over another. Further proof that I am truly not passionate about anything. Except for maybe proving other people to be wrong. And beer.
